I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
