fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
