So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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