College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
