Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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