I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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