Your dad touched me again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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