I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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