If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
