bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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