Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
