WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
