Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
