If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
