well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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