come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
