It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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