someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my god I love twenty year old dicks
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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