Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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