When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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