Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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