I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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