Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
