and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and she was petting her beer can
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
