chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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