ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
