so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
