My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
