You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
