this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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