The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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