but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
