Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.