I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.