are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am naked and annoyed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
