ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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