I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
