Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
