It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Terrible idea I love it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
