So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
