I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
