It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
