he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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