So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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