____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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