i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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