I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
