I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
