Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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