Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
