I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
