my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
