I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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