Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
