Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
