I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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