My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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