Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
