why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
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Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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