bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
