a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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