we made out on top of his cat.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
