The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
