Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
MIDGETS
????
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
