and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
