i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's never too late to be topless.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
